In the past week, I’ve been able to write about 5,500 words. That’s a big improvement considering I didn’t write for two weeks, and I’m slowly getting back into the groove. Hopefully, I can eventually get back on track, but it’s going to take awhile. The grief still comes in waves, and sometimes the thought of writing or editing makes me anxious. It’s a hard process to go through, but I’m managing.
My first goal is to finish all the drafts for the Mr. and Mrs. Cherry series. I’m on the last book, so I’m hoping to finish it this weekend. After that, I’m working on a therapeutic piece that I hope will be at least 20,000 words. It’ll still be erotic romance, but the main character is grieving the death of a loved one, so it might be a little easier to write.
I’ve been in and out of my day job for the past few weeks. The week after my relative died, I only went in one day. The next week, two days. This week, I’m hoping I can make it three days. I love my day job and that I get to help people, but it’s also really exhausting especially since I’m grieving. I plan to start grief counseling this week so I can process everything in a healthy way.
I wish I could deliver more content right now, but I can’t push myself too hard. I’ve been to six funerals in the past six years, and I know enough about my own grieving process to understand what my limits are. It doesn’t get rid of the guilt I feel for not working as much, but then I’ll remind myself that grief is technically a trauma to the brain so I won’t be too hard on myself.
Yesterday, I had a good talk with my mom, and she told me that I’ll never be how I was before the death but that I’ll find a new normal. I’ve been through mourning enough times to know this, but it feels odd moving on with my life with a loved one gone. He was such a big part of my life since day one, and now that part of myself feels empty. I know it’s going to take time, but that still doesn’t stop it from hurting.
I hope everything is going well for you all.
Much love, Dana Kenzi